She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
