ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
