i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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