i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
