this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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