If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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