Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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