I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
