You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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