Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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