You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
