WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
