I looked at my own cervix.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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