I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
