no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
