Fine. I'll sleep in my office
thus making me awesome and them whores
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
True college students do jello shots in the library
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
