my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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