Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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