if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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