My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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