I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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