There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think my moral compass just broke
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