dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
