Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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