How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
