So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
