Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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