Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
