DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
