Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
