Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
