youre lurking in front of me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
