Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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