i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
