Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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