Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
