I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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