I think i peed on brittanys purse
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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