she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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