I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
