Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
wow bdsm is so cute
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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