Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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