Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
