I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize