He had one of those small greek statue penises
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
