Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
