alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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