I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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