its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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