Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
