you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I deserve this hangover.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
