I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
