I got chris browned last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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