Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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