Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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