I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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