Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
