We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
