Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
