i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
