went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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