There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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