it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
