no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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