just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize