My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
