went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
