Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
