last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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