On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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