Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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