i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
