i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
