Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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