I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize