The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
