I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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