One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
