just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
