I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i love accidental penises.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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