I'm really into asian looking animals
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
