I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
