Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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