I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
