Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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