and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
