apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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