i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
