the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
