Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
