he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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