Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize