Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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