the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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