She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Randomize
