maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
