fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
