they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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