She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
