Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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