How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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