I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
