Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
