i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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