Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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