cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
