I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
