After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
