i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize