thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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