He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
