You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
