Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
