i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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