PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
