I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
