I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize